Ruminations Of A Reprobate Mind

by Brule Eagan

I woke up this morning, thinking “Oo, I hope I didn’t miss the news.” (I have a mad crush on Bianna Golodryga, but she doesn’t know I’m alive, plus she’s married, so there’s no future in it. Anyway,) The clock said “6:27”. Since the news isn’t on until seven, I thought “Well, I can loll around for a half-hour.” Then, I thought: What, exactly, is lolling? I know it’s an activity associated with two places: bed and the beach. I feel if I’m going to be a successful loller, I need to have a cocktail in my hand, and recline with one knee flexed while it’s supporting the opposite ankle. But is that the textbook definition of lolling? Isn’t there more? I want to be sure I’m doing it correctly if I’m going to do it at all. Plus, that pose is more beach-y than bed-dy. So, how do I loll in bed? That led me to this:

Isn’t lolling associated more with women than men? I mean, we always hear about some glamorous starlet lolling around the Riviera, or Ibiza, or Malibu (they’re never at North Avenue Beach), but you never hear about men trolling the paparazzi in an opulent loll. If the art of lolling is such a nebulous thing, then why shouldn’t it be associated equally between the sexes?

And isn’t “loll” the root word of “lollygagging”? If so, does it require a certain amount of revulsion or disgust, since gagging is involved?

It’s eureka moments like these that make me sit bolt upright in the middle of the night, then scramble to jot them down, which is what I just did. Now, I have only 15 minutes until the news starts. That’s enough time to let the bones creak into place and start a pot of coffee, so I’m out of available lolling time. Well, maybe later in the day. But how will I know if I’m doing it right? God damn it!

I’m so confused.

Barbarino

A musician friend of mine has released a live performance album that’s been getting some pretty good reviews, and deservedly so.

Were I to review the performance, I would have said it was “rollicking”, which sent me down this mental detour:

How does one rollick? Or should that be spelled “rollic”?

And what’s more difficult? To achieve rollick, or to sustain the achieved rollick until one can say that one is truly rollicking? And, once underway, when does one stop rollicking? Is it sudden, or is there an imperceptible yet somehow definite descent into what can only be called a “sub-rollick”?

I’m so confused.

Believe you me.”

Where do I even start with this? And why do I always associate this phrase with ‘50s TV game shows? I can hear Dennis James and Jack Narz right now: “Believe you me, ladies and gentlemen…” and then rambling onward. I suppose it means “trust me”, but if that’s the case, shouldn’t it be reversed to “believe me you”? But then, the “you” would be extraneous.

Then again, maybe the phrase “believe me” started out as “believe me you”, and the “you” just disappeared over time.

And if that’s the case, were there some linguistic diehards that wanted all three words to remain in the phrase, and they simply switched them out of sheer obstinacy? And if so, why?

I’m so confused.

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